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“I Forgive You”
1Marriage isn’t the only relationship that needs forgivene.It’s required with our children, friends, workmates, neighbours and even strangers.In fact, no human relationship can survive without the oxygen of forgivene.It’s not the kind of quality that only good-tempered people choose to have;it’s a universal neceity for relationships and for your own physical and mental health.2Some of us may think that we’ve been hurt too deeply, or too often, to forgive.But ironically, it’s those of us who’ve been most hurt that really need to forgive, for one simple reason: like cancer, bitterne can destroy its host.Unle it’s swiftly rooted out, it takes hold and grows, crippling and eventually even killing those who insist on clinging determinedly to it.3For the truth is that unle we can forgive, we can never recover.Our wounds will continue to grow worse and never heal.As the ancient Chinese proverb puts it, “Whoever seeks revenge should dig two graves.”
4For some people forgivene seems impoible because they have no idea how to go about it.The first and most important thing you need to accept is that the act of forgivene is not going to be easy.In fact, it will probably be the hardest thing most of us ever have to do.5It seems totally unfair that we should forgive when we’re the ones who have been hurt.And that’s the core of forgivene.6The saying “Forgive and forget” may roll off the tongue, but it’s as shallow as it is short.For one thing, it’s totally impoible.For another, it mies the whole point of forgivene.The things we most need to forgive in life are the things we can’t forget.Rather than sweeping them under the carpet, we need to draw a line under them, deliberately choosing not to count them against the person who did them, and moving on.7That’s why, sometimes, the initial act of forgivene may seem relatively easy, but dealing with the emotions that follow every time you see that person, or speak to or just think about him or her, can be harder.True forgivene is not a one-off act;it’s a constant emotional confrontation.8And the longer you wait to forgive someone, the harder it becomes.Time really doesn’t heal;it just gives the bitterne and resentment longer to eat away at you from inside.If you wait for the “right time”, you may never do it.9A question you should ask yourself before you begin to tackle the art of forgivene is this: How many of us are ever completely innocent in any given situation?
10Some years ago, my wife and I bought a piece of cheap furniture.For the first few months, it fooled everyone — it was smart, functional and impreive, and we felt it fitted our home perfectly.But as time rolled by, the thin covering slowly began to peel at the edges.It didn’t create the same impreion any more, but at least it was being honest!The fact is that, like it or not, behind our smart covering, we’re all just chipboard.So before we become other people’s judge and jury, we’d be wise to take a long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror.And the more we see ourselves, warts and all, the more we’ll want to and be able to forgive others for their flaws, and the more we forgive, the more we’ll know true contentment.11Forgiving others can get a satisfying reaction.I’ve found that saying sorry to my kids has not only healed broken relationships but has helped ease the situation, making it easier for my kids to ask for forgivene themselves.So if you think you’re right and can’t find it in yourself to forgive, ask yourself this question: would you rather be right or happy?
12One of the hardest things about forgivene is making that first move especially when you
haven’t spoken to the person who hurt you for a while.But remember they’ll probably be happy to hear from you.They might even be impreed that you’ve done what they’ve wanted to do for years.But keep in mind you’re doing this for you just as much as for them, so don’t be upset if they don’t react as you hoped.13Of course, some people don’t believe they’ve done anything wrong, or don’t care, so telling them you forgive them would only frustrate them and you.But that doesn’t mean you can’t find forgivene in your heart.In fact, that’s what true forgivene is: letting go of your anger and hurt, becoming at peace with what happened and moving on.14The more you nurture your resentment, the more unhappy you’ll become.Unle you learn to develop the “lost art” of forgiving, you’ll always remain a victim,not just of people who’ve done you wrong, but also of your own emotions.15Forgiving puts you in control.However tough it is, the alternative is far worse.The phrase “Forgive us our sins, though we refuse to forgive those who sin against us” doesn’t exist in the Bible.And there’s a reason for that.
