自己总结的笑话2由刀豆文库小编整理，希望给你工作、学习、生活带来方便，猜你可能喜欢“笑话别人等于笑话自己”。
1好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
Hospitality
The hoste apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: “You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny.Where did you find the cheese?” “In the rat-trap, sir,” replied the boy.2醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, “What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?” “Well, my son,” his father replied, “look, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.”
3“But, dad,” the boy said, “ there's only ONE policeman!”
He is really somebody
--My uncle has 1000 men under him.--He is really somebody.What does he do?
--A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物
--我叔叔下面有1000个人。
--他真是一个大人物。干什么的?
--墓地守墓人。
my little dog can't read
Mrs.Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs.Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs.Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
Bring me the winner
--Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.--I'm sorry, sir.It must have been in a fight.--Well, bring me the winner then.给我那个打赢的吧
--服务员，这个龙虾只有一只爪。
--对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
哦，那给我那个打赢的吧。Count to one Hundred Before You Speak
In cla,the teacher,with his back leaning against the stove,said to the students,“Before you speak,you should think and count to at least 50,and for
important matters to 100.”
No sooner had the teacher stopped talking than the students began to count.at last all the students shouted together,“1...98,99,100.teacher,your clothes are on fire.”
数到一百再说
课堂上，老师背靠火炉站着，对学生们说：“说话前要三思，起码数到50，重要的事情要数到一百。”
老师的话音刚落，学生立刻从“1”开始数起来。最后一起喊：“98，99，100！老师，您的衣服着火了。”
Teacher:Some students are becoming arrogant.Do you remember the story about race
between the hare and the tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?
Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep.Teacher:Absolutely right!What should we do so that the hare won't fall asleep?
Xiaoming:Exchange the tortoise for the wolf.把乌龟换成狼
老师：有些同学开始骄傲了，大家还记得龟兔赛跑的故事吗。小明，你说说看，兔子为什么输给乌龟？
小明：因为它睡觉了。
老师：对极了！我们应该怎么做才能让兔子不睡觉呢？
小明：把乌龟换成狼！
8 Nice Try
My wife and I were stopped by a state policeman.He started to write up a speeding ticket.My wife, who’s a hair stylist, said, “If you let us off with a warning, I’ll give you a free haircut for a year.”
The policeman removed his hat--and he was completely bald.尝 试
我和妻子被警察拦住了，他给我们开一个超速的罚款单。我的妻子是一个发型设计师，于是她就对警察说，“如果你让我们免于警告，我就为你免费理发一年。”
警察脱下他的帽子——他是一个光头。Driving car
Father：“Uh，oh，I think I just made an illegal right－hand turn．”
Susie：“That' s okay，Dad，the policeman behind you just did the same thing．”
开 车
父亲：“哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。”
苏茜：“没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。”
10 Humor
Mother：“Susie，every time you misbehave，I get another gray hair．” Susie：“Gosh，mom，you must have been a terror．Just look at Grandma．”
幽 默
母亲：“苏茜，每次你表现不好，我就多长一根白头发。”
苏茜：“天哪，妈，那你肯定一直都表现很糟。看看外婆吧。”Not Neceary To Answer
Teacher：“I have two questions，it isn't neceary to answer the second question if you know the result of the first question．How much hair do you have？” Student ：“A hundred and twenty millions．”
Teacher：“How do you know it？”
Student：“It is not neceary to answer the second question．”
无 需 回 答
老师：“我有两个题目，你若能答出第一题就不需答第二题。你有多少根头发？” 学生：“１．２亿根。”
老师：“你怎么知道？”
学生：“第二题不需回答。”
12 Now I can go home
One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question．I'll permit him or her to go home earlier．” The next day，when the teacher came into the claroom，he found the blackboard daubed．He was very angry and asked，“Who did it？Please stand up!” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good－bye，Sir!”
我 可 以 回 家 了
一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的？ 请站起来。”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见。
”
13 Don’t tell her
Two twins went to the kindergarten．“Who's the elder and who's the younger one？” asked a nurse．
One of them winked and said，“Elder brother，don't tell her．”
不 要 告 诉 她
两个双胞胎走进幼儿园。“你们两个谁大谁小？”保育员问。
其中的一个眨了眨眼睛说，“哥哥，不要告诉她。”
