海淀一模作文记叙文学校生活经历点评由刀豆文库小编整理，希望给你工作、学习、生活带来方便，猜你可能喜欢“学校生活类作文作文”。
书面表达：
假如你是李芳，即将告别难忘的初中时代。请你给远方的朋友Lucy写一封信，讲述曾经发生在你身边的一件事，以及你对此事的感受。
提示词语：school life, happy, sad, exciting , embarraing, go, do, think, hope
【审题】话题：难忘的一件事
文体：夹叙夹议，书信格式
时态：一般过去时，一般现在时
人称：第一人称，第三人称
（一）Dear Lucy,How time flies!I will graduate from middle school in a month.Countle unforgettable memories have taught me great facts in the proce of growing up, especially one basketball match I took part in；The opponents were so strong that our scores fell behind theirs all the time, all of the team-mates fell into nervous condition and we could do nothing but rush between two sides of the court.Fortunately, the coach called a stop just before we felt like giving up the match.He told us to calm down and trust in each other or we would lose the match.We followed his words and surprisingly we caught up with them.Though we lost the game in the end, I still learned much from this unique experience.I believe teamwork is one of the most wonderful gifts ever for me, it not only teaches me the ways to get along with people but also tells me the great achievements I will get through uniting together.I will hold it as a faith to succe in the future.本篇习作作者首先直奔主题，点题明确----Teamwork，在随后事件的描述中，由于是作者本人的亲身经历，事件描写生动，真实自然。符合新目标英语的理念，体现了学生的情感态度价值观。在本篇作文中作者使用了大量的复合句，很多句型，立意深刻，语言流畅到位。
（二）Dear Lucy,How time flies!I will graduate from middle school in a month.It’s a pity that I would say goodbye to all my clamates and teachers soon.I still remember the helping hands my friends have given me since the school started.It was Junior 1.I was suffering from a very embarraing time.I wasn’t studying well and got bad grades in all the tests.I began to become very shy.At that time, one of my friends, Mary, helped me with my studies every day.She encouraged me.And with her help, I found my confidence back and got through this tough time.I really appreciate Mary, because she let me know the great power of friendship, which makes me feel warm.In all, I will leave middle school soon.There are still many words I want to say and things I want to do.However, time goes by and life goes on.I’ll just regard my school life as a beautiful memory of mine, and keep moving on.Yours
Li Fang
本文取材于真实的生活，表达了同学之间相互关爱，相互帮助的主题，事例描述具体，铺垫充分，才使得关爱帮助变得十分珍贵感人，使得感情升华自然；同时，作者使用了很多高质量的句子和结构；本文的一大亮点是结尾部分，语言自然并流露出淡淡的忧伤，表达的作者对初中生活的不舍。
（三）Dear Lucy,How time flies!I will graduate from middle school in a month.My life in middle school used to
be so colorful that I can hardly say goodbye to it.The most unforgettable piece of memory is the sports meeting entering-ceremony.Every cla was asked to give a short performance and there would be a contest among the claes.Our cla started preparing for it at once in order to win.Everyone of my clamates tried the best and showed great paion for it.Although we kept practicing for hours in the sun without a rest, no one complained about it.With great efforts, we finally won the first prize and proved that we were the best.Besides the prize, there’s something else that makes me moved.I’ve learnt what ˋclamatesˊ means.They’re friends who have the same goal with you.That’s the honor of your cla.We all love our cla deeply.That’s the reason why I feel so sad when I’m going to leave it.Yours,Li Fang
本文通过描述对一次运动会入场式的准备，体现了全班同学团结一致，为集体荣誉共同奋斗的情感，选材新颖，感情真实动人。本文最大亮点在于语言，简练而不简单，每个句子表达内容丰富，是文章紧凑，充实。如批注29所示： 在句子中首先是让步状语从句，在从句中作者还用到了keep doing, 介词短语without a rest，以及表达环境的in the sun在太阳下来说明训练之辛苦，但即便辛苦如此，也没有人抱怨：no one complain about it,更加体现了同学们的团结。
（四）Dear Lucy,How time flies!I will graduate from middle school in a month.I can’t help thinking of all the memories I have during the three-year school life.Among them, one thing has left the deepest impreion on me.That was an upset moment when our cla was told that there was going to be a tug of war competition in the grade.We all knew that there weren’t any advantages for us with only 15 boys.But at least we were united.Before the first match we encouraged each other to believe in ourselves again and again.It did work!The rope seemed to link our hearts tightly and make our confidence and courage break out.We won!All of us jumped up and down with joy.Though we failed to win the last match, smiles still filled everyone’s face, for we deeply felt the power of being united.Now we are going to graduate, but I believe our hearts will be always together no matter where we are.本文描述了一次班级的拔河比赛，作者对班级深深地爱和对班级团结一心的自豪感通过作者洗练的语言深入读者的内心。在文章最开始，作者用 “the deepest impreion”概括了整个事件，在描述过程中，作者为感情的自然抒发做了充足的铺垫：upset moment—there weren’t any advangates for us---only 15 boys，在这种情况下，全班同学相互鼓励并且这种鼓励确实起作用了：we were united---encourage each other to believe in ourselves again and again---the rope link our hearts tightly---make our courage break out，这个时候全班同学才会高兴的跳起来，我们才能更深刻的体会到团结的力量，这件事情才能给我留下最深刻的印象。同时，文章中还有很多高质量的句型和词汇，长短句结合，使情感表达更为自然。
（五）Dear Lucy:
How time flies!I will graduate from middle school in a month.Countle memories of the past three years are playing like films in my mind.I really mi those unforgettable days!
I remember that it was snowing heavily outside, and the whole cla was busy decorating the claroom for the coming Christmas Party.My job was to clean the window.It was so cold that my hands were almost frozen, but at that time, my teacher came here with a bottle of hot water, and poured it into the cold water, it got warmer at once, as well as my heart!I looked around and saw all the people running here and there to pa the decoration to others;smiles filled my face.After long hours of working, the claroom finally turned to be as beautiful as a palace!
I will never forget that snowy night because each pieces of snow is full of warmth.Now I have to say goodbye to my middle-school life, but remembering these rare moments, I’m sure that I’m not alone.Yours
Lifang
原始作文一
评析：文章选材源于自己的生活，感情真挚，角度新颖，文章想表达信任和支持，但叙事部分对于信任和支持的表述不够，导致表达力不够，文章再修改时，尝试在叙事部分加强针对主题的表现，但文字较多，旨在展示如何合理的处理材料，希望同学们有所借鉴。Dear Lucy,How time flies!I will graduate from middle school in a month.And there are many unforgettable things during the three years
I still remember the activity we did last year.Half of my cla was asked to cover their eyes so that they couldn’t see anything.Then other students helped them walk and cro barriers by taking their arms.I became one of the “blinds”.At first, I was excited but also kind of afraid because it was hard for me to walk in the darkne.However, as I walked, I felt the clamate who was taking my arm so dependable and careful that there was nothing to worry about.From that activity, I not only knew the difficulties blinds had but also learned the importance and the value of trust between each other.原始作文一修改：
Dear Lucy,How time flies!I will graduate from middle school in a month.But I know there are always supporting hands for me whenever I meet difficulties.I will never forget the activity in which I felt the support and trust most.It was a psychological game.Our cla was divided into two groups—one as the “blinds” to walk and cro the barriers with eyes covered, the other as the guides to lead the blinds to finish the trip safely.I was one of the “blinds”.The second my eyes were covered, my world was filled with uncertainty and fear.The darkne and unknown made me not want to step up.At the very moment, it was a warm hand that gave me back my sense of safety.Though I didn’t know whohe was, I knew I could depend on him.All through the way, I was cared and protected to get through all the difficulties.Holding the warm hand, I felt I was not blind;I saw everything clearer than ever.From then on, I felt I was closer to my clamates.In these three years, we spent much time helping each other, sharing with each other and supporting each other.Because of my dear clamates, I learnt the importance and the value of the support and trust.No matter what difficulty I meet, I am not alone.学生原始作文二：
本文选材接近学生生活，但在叙事部分不够简洁，文字较多，在把事件叙述清楚的前提下，期待叙事过程清楚，简洁，所以在修改时去掉了部分内容，文章情感表达过于夸张的部分做了适当调整，希望对表达啰嗦的同学有些启发。
Dear Lucy,How time flies!I’ll graduate from middle school in a month.Three years ago, I was just a primary school student, who was nervous and quiet.But now, I am more out-going and warm-hearted.The three-year education in our school changes me a lot, not only in schoolwork, but also in personality.Once, I was asked to play the piano in front of the students in whole school on the New Year’s Party.I was so nervous that I even couldn’t sleep at night.And, of course, I felt sleepy during the cla.After an English cla, I was told that the English teacher was unhappy to see I slept in cla and let me go to her office.Nervously, I went to her office.To my surprise, she didn’t scold me, instead, she asked me what had happened to me.I told her the truth, and she encouraged me to practice more and try me best.At that moment, I felt really warm and excited.So I practiced more and more, harder and harder.Thanks to her encouragement, on the New Year’s party, I did a good job.From then on, I never felt nervous when I speak in front of the cla, even in front of the whole school.I love her, my English teacher, forever.Three years past, and I feel really sad now.Our cla has been together for three years, although most of won’t meet each other after graduation.I won’t forget them.I will mi my friends, as well as my teacher, those who help me when I fall down, who encourage me when I was upset, who lead me to my dream when I mi my direction.I will keep these things as the sweetest memory in my heart forever.学生原始作文二修改：
Dear Lucy,How time flies!I’ll graduate from middle school in a month.Three years ago, I was just a nervous and quiet boy.But now being more out-going and warm-hearted, I changed a lot, not only in schoolwork, but also in personality.Once, I was asked to play the piano in front of the whole school.I was so nervous that I even couldn’t sleep at night.And, of course, I fell sleepy in the English cla, I was told that the English teacher was unhappy to see I slept and asked me to her office.Nervously I went.But to my surprise, she wasn’t mad at me;instead, she asked me what had happened.Knowing the truth, she encouraged me to try me best.At that moment, I felt really warm and excited.Thanks to her encouragement, I did a good job.From then on, I would also give others encouragement because I knew how important it was.Our cla has been together for three years, I will always remember those who help me when I fall down, who encourage me when I was upset, who lead me to my dream when I mi my direction.I will keep these things as the sweetest memory in my heart forever.
