游学之旅”获奖征文点评及选登由刀豆文库小编整理，希望给你工作、学习、生活带来方便，猜你可能喜欢“游学之书征文”。
2009游学之旅”获奖征文点评及选登
总评
自今年1月份疯狂英语编辑部与英国大使馆联合发布游学征文的活动启事以来，收到了许多热心读者的反馈，活动反响十分热烈。稿件从全国各地如雪花般飞来，更曾经一度导致邮箱短暂爆满，以至小编们要一天数次清空邮箱才能保证邮件的顺利接收。这里，小编们向参加征文的每一位读者，包括热心鼓励孩子的家长、认真指导学生的教师衷心地道一声谢谢，正是有了你们的热情参与和支持，这次活动才得以顺利进行、圆满结束；也正是由于你们的支持和鼓励，才有了CE系列期刊的茁壮成长。
这次征文比赛，来稿的质量着实令编辑们开心了一番，尤其是中学组，真是让人眼前一亮，有种惊喜的感觉。不错不错，后生可畏呀！征文比赛结果公布后，很多同学，甚至有一些家长，都会打电话来询问，想知道为什么别人的文章获奖了，自己的或者说自己的孩子却没有；或者想知道，如何才能写好英文文章。关于这一点，编辑部的外籍小编Mitch就给大家提出了许多行之有效的建议（我们把它贴在下面），大家一定要认真看哦。
其实呢，很简单，文章嘛，首先是立意新，其次要文法拼写正确，最后要有趣，除了这最后一点，前面两点应该说，与大家的作文考试要求都是一样的吧。写好文章并不难。首先，很多同学都没有注意到基本的语法和拼写问题，小错不断，大错也犯，小编可是眼睛最尖的，一发现文章中有出现单复数呀、时态呀、人称呀等等混乱情况，这篇稿子就立刻“牺牲”了。其次呢，就像外籍小编Mitch提出来的，大家不要将文章写得像在记流水账，早上起来刷牙到中午午饭吃了些啥，都不厌其烦细细说来，无论是谁看了都会打瞌睡的:P……还有呢，英国大使馆的评稿专家就指出，有些同学特意使用一些生僻冷门的词汇，殊不知这些词汇有些就是一些古语，现代英语早已摒弃不用，用在文章里，甭说小编看不懂，就连外教们也是满脑袋问号——一句话：根本不合适。
像中学组一等奖梅芝蕊同学的文章，就是一篇不错的好文章，小小一件事情，却蕴含着深刻的哲理；叙述干净利落，不拖泥带水；用词准确，没有多余的废话；文章不长，却制造了一个小小的悬念，吸引人读下去，最后才真相大白、豁然开朗。读这样的文章，才不会打瞌睡的说^0^
好吧，好东西要大家一起分享。我们把一等奖的两篇文章贴出来，与大家一起分享。若觉得的确比自己写得好，就学习一下人家的写作技巧和遣词造句；若是不服气，那咱们就下次擂台赛上较量较量吧——CE有的是机会哦！
中学组征文一等奖获得者：
广州市华南师范大学附属中学 高二（9）班 梅芝蕊
My Journey To Beauty
“Done!” said Old Jim with a satisfied smile.“Thanks.” I reached for my wallet and was about to pay him.“No,” he shook his head, “it’s on the house.”
Old Jim was without doubt the best hair stylist I’d ever known.He designed every haircut with such artistry and delicacy that to say the miracles created by those crafty hands were “beautiful” would be an understatement.But there was one strange thing about his shop: there was no mirror in it, so customers were kept in suspense until they reached home.I thanked him again and walked out through the door, his words lingering in myhead:
“There’smagicinyournewhair.Nowstartyourjourneyto beauty.”
Sunlight dropped down through the overlapping foliage above my head as I walked on the pavement.I shook my head, but didn’t feel a difference.I could only vaguely feel that something was different, like a little voice that had long been suppreed that desired to be heard.As I walked I could see a boy walking toward me.We went to the same school, but hadn’t talked to each other much.If it weren’t for the new hair, I would’ve looked down and pretended not to see him.I had always been shy.But at that point, I intended to test out Old Jim’s magic.I waved at him with butterflies in my stomach.“Hey, Aaron!”
“Hey, what’s up?” he waved back, a slightly surprised smile croing his lips.We continued on our separate ways.It all happened so naturally, without any of the awkwardne that usually accompanies meeting new people.I had never expected it to be so easy to surmount my shyne.I do look better with this new hair, I thought, a smile growing on my face, when I heard someone calling out to me.“Susan!Susan!”
I turned around.It was Jennifer, the most popular girl in the whole school.“It really is you, Susan.You look great today!”
“Thanks.So do you.”
Jennifer was everything I wanted to be.What a sweet victory to get such a compliment from a girl like her!
We had a conversation on school and cheerleading, and parted at a croing, where she turned left and I right.As I walked on briskly, my ears were filled with mellifluous songs from birds and rhythmic sounds of leaves dancing in the summer breeze.All of the minute details that I ignored on the way home every day now seemed infused with a life force I had never
before noticed.At the street corner, a blind man stood playing the violin, I paused and listened attentively.Melodies of joy and serenity flowed from under his deft fingers.I observed his facial expreions--I had always considered people like him as pitiful, for they subsisted on unstable incomes, struggling everyday to make ends meet--to my surprise, not a hint of sorrow was
displayed on his weather-beaten face.He even smiled after finishing a tricky paage.Then I was reminded of the fact that he couldn’t see, and the only way for him to capture the different colours of life was with his ears, hands, and violin, from which he derived such gaiety and gratitude.Deeply moved, I placed a coin quietly in the can before him.I accelerated at the sight of home, or rather at the thought that I’d be able to see my new hair in the mirror in my room.An hour ago, I entered Old Jim’s hairdreer’s crestfallen, having just been rejected a role in the school play.I looked plain and boring, that’s why they didn’t want me--I was convinced.“I want to be beautiful,” I said to Old Jim, tears almost dropping.Now see what his magic had done!After a twenty-minute walk home, I was fresh, alive, and radiant with joy.I rushed upstairs, my heart pumping furiously.I couldn’t wait to see my new hair.And here I stood in front of themirror taken by surprise.My hair was bobbed, the bangs disheveled from running.In short, not much had been done, except for a tiny velvet bow over my left ear.Comment from Cultural And Education Section, British Embay：The author cleverly created suspense at the beginning, making readers look forward to the denouement.The article was smoothly written with very little interference from the first language.It far exceeded the judges’ expectation of a middle school student's English writing ability.大学组征文一等奖获得者：
上海外国语大学 裘天佑
My Favourite Film
I have always wondered: What’s the purpose of Christmas? Is it merely a traditional ritual to celebrate the birth of Jesus? Is it a perfect reason to plunge into an orgy of food and fun? Or, is it but a joke, bearing the intention to make those happy people happier and the lonely ones even
lonelier?
Thanks to Love Actually, one of my favourite films, the answer to the mystery was finally unveiled.Following the paths of eight couples and the ways they cope with their ups and downs in love and relationships during the month of chaos preceding Christmas, this hilarious rom-com creates a unique evocation of Christmas: without any plan or agenda, to expre, to confe and to reveal(编者注：此处应改为“without any plan or agenda to expre, confe or reveal”)the existence of our deep-buried, long-forgotten, but most cherished emotion in the world, an emotion that makes us mad and miserable but manage(编者注：此处应改为“manages”)to remind us that we are alive and why we are.Christmas is a time for us to rediscover the ubiquity of love.We endure the maddeningly complicated food preparation in steaming kitchens;we squeeze through the torrent of crowds and packed shops;we hunt for the perfect presents despite the hectic hustle and bustle of holiday shopping;and we crack our heads trying to figure out the first line on a Christmas card—not(编者注：此处应加上“so”)much because we need to or have to, but because we would love to.Love is the ultimate answer.“Often it is not particularly dignified or newsworthy,” as the film tells, “but it’s always there—fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.When the planes hit the Twin Towers as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were meages of hate and revenge.They were all meages of love.If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”
…
I love it for it speaks the universal language of love that ignores all the differences between peoples and nations and serves as the source of inspiration for all.I love it for it is telling me, no matter who we are, no matter where we are from, we all belong to the same species that can never ever escape the sweet agonies of love.…
Christmas, as all its other equivalents in different cultures, is a timely reminder of the fact that our world is not a place of hatred and greed, and our life is not about the prosperity in our bank accounts or the climbs up the social ladders;we are living for something called love, unconditional and overabundant love.Even though Christmas is mostly a time we do nothing but hang around with friends, killing time in cafe(编者注：此处应改为“cafes”)or gorging the night away on some not-so-mouthwatering feasts;even though we secretly complain all the time that the new sweater we receive(编者注：此处应改为“received”)is not impreive enough, or the
holiday shows on “telly” are as tedious as usual;even though the greatest achievement that we accomplish during Christmas is probably getting ourselves drunk with tons of Guinne and crazy Christmas carols, we are feeling, more strongly than ever, that we are warmed by the sense of
belonging and the knowledge that someone will always be there, reaching out for us, rain or shine, fair or foul.Next time when snowflakes are kiing the evergreen, when street lights start glowing again, when the melody of Silent Night is dancing in the air and when Love Actually rebroadcasts on HBO, “without hope or agenda”, let’s tell each other in any language we want: “Merry Christmas, and you know, I love you”.Comment from Cultural And Education Section, British Embay：By posing the question about the purpose of Christmas, the author reveals the true meage behind the film.The judges are all impreed by the smooth flow of the language.The article also reflects the author’s understanding of western culture.It ends beautifully with a depiction of a lovely scene.It has a very touching effect which makes people want to see the film.外教支招
想知道中国人英文写作的有哪些常犯错误吗？要知道，避免这类错误可以使你的文章更地道。快看看你会否也踩中地雷呢？
此次征文比赛我们收到了不少佳作，有些习作连我们的外教Mitch也大赞其表达地道。当然在这些征文来稿中还是存在着许多易见但又很容易被忽视的问题，为此，我们的外教Mitch特地撰写了以下的写作小撇步，希望能够对大家今后的英语写作有所帮助。
Don’t use big words if you don’t know how to use them properly: simplicity is best.Use words you would use in everyday life to make the sentence smooth or natural.e.g.It is my firm belief that knowledge obtained from genuine experience provides greater value to one’s life than knowledge gained through
academic experience.→ I think you can learn more from hands-on experience than you can from reading books. Avoid using the same word more than once in a sentence Use variety in your vocabulary.e.g.The flowers were pretty and the stars were very pretty too.
Don’t use “and so on” or “etc” to end a sentence!It’s lazy and native English speakers never do this.(In some circumstances “etc” is OK to use, but try to avoid it.)Decide what is relevant and irrelevant.Delete any information that does not help your story move forward.Too many details weigh the story/eay down.e.g.I woke up at 6 a.m., then took a shower until 6.30, then we caught the bus at 7a.m.to go to the beach.This is not an interesting story.Details about how you feel are much more interesting to read.e.g.It was so hard to force myself to wake before sunrise.I hurried to take a shower and get dreed and only just made it to the station on time.Excitement rushed over me as the bus rolled away and the adventure began. Avoid using clichés.e.g.“…And they all lived happily ever after.”
Don’t ask questions to the reader This may be cute as a child, but for teen and adult writing it’s too immature.e.g “Why did I enjoy the holiday/movie so much? Let me tell you.” Thanks for all the entries and keep up the writing!
